Title: "The Cartoon"
Author: virtue_fluttering 
Spoilers: mainly Season 6, if any:)
Rating: PG-13 for some minor subject matter:):):)
Summary: A less than flattering drawing of Mulder and Scully in a less
than flattering position is floated throughout the office.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully don't belong to me 
           (though the action figures do). Neither does
           Skinner. Neither does Kimberly. And if you
           *ever* catch me calling Kersh's secretary
           my property, I want you to hit me over the 
           head with a baseball bat. Nope they all 
           belong to Chris Carter (hey baby, I'm 
           baaaaaaaaaaack:)), Ten-Thirteen Productions,
           and the Fox Network, whom I love dearly for 
           giving us the X-Files, Ally McBeal, and 
           That 70's Show!. But also loath for also
           rewarding us with such quality programming
           as Fox Files and Shocking Behavior.

           Once again, all my thanks go out to Jolene,
           Jo Moore, GenieVB, Erika the High Priestess,
           and all my friends at the Church of X who
           read my stories, provide me with feedback, 
           and helped me through my first flame. For
           that, they have my undying gratitude:):):)


*******************************************************

Agent Collins drew it. The product of one too many late nights working
overtime at the office in an effort to climb the Bureaucracy ladder.

Agent Thacker xeroxed it. An idea that came to him one drunk night
after Collins showed it to him at some local watering hole.

Agent Myers, merely out of his own perverse amusement, made sure a copy
was on everybody's desk in the building. 

Including mine.

Collins dubbed his creation "The Cartoon."

Funny. When you think of a cartoon, the images that come to mind are
usually ones of Bugs Bunny being chased down his rabbithole by some
bald guy with a gun (kind of like me sometimes, only I wouldn't say so
with Mr. Skinner just a door away), or the Rugrats breaking out of
their playpen, or even the South Park kids calling Cartman's mom a
crackwhore.

Not a rather explicit pen and ink drawing of two nude figures sprawled
on the top of a desk breaking several sacraments of protocol.

And not just any two figures either.

The infamous agents Mulder and Scully.

If you didn't recognize the rather unbecoming scribble of the two of
them, the poster of the alien hanging on the wall in the background
said it all.

As did the nameplate reading 'Fox William Mulder' currently about to
fall off the desk in the picture.

I went down to the next floor to get a pot of coffee for when A.D.
Skinner arrived and heard a couple of the bitches from the steno pool
giggling about it. Kersh's secretary even went so far as to wonder
aloud if Mulder really had such impressive "assets." Then proceeded to
wonder aloud if such things really went on in the basement.

The whole subject disgusted me. The drawing alone disgusted me.

I've always liked the two X-Files agents much more than the other
agents. For one thing, they were the two I saw the most. Between their
regular, or should I say *not* so regular, field reports and reprimands
about their latest little escapades, they were in the office virtually
everyday that they weren't out on assignment.

Unlike the other agents, who usually liked to pretend that the
Assistant Director's secretary isn't even there, they always made an
effort to say hello to me and if they needed to see Mr. Skinner, they
were always polite in their request.

Yeah, I've heard all the rumors about the depth of their "professional"
relationship a hundred times over. That's what I get for at least
trying to be civil to agents like Collins, Myers, and Thacker.

And I will admit, the way they treated each other sometimes--when I
would catch them out of the corner of my eye, *was* downright
matrimonial. If I had been with a man for more than half a decade, I'd
feel married too.

But I never saw anything that suggested misconduct in their
partnership. They always treated each other with mutual respect, care,
and even, when they thought no one was looking, admiration. 

It made me ill to think someone would take their friendship and turn it
into something so revolting.

I just hoped that the two of them were out on assignment and by the
time they got back, the Assistant Director would have had every copy
destroyed.

No such luck.

Not too long after Mr. Skinner slammed into the office, two more shades
of red than usual, the notorius comeback team made an appearance, too.

"Kimberly, may we make an appointment to see the A.D., please?" Agent
Scully asked me as Agent Mulder paced the floor on the other end of the
vestabul. Though he kept his trademark stone-faced expression firmly in
place, I could tell from the way he didn't make eye contact with
anyone, especially Scully, and how he couldn't seem to stand in one
particular spot, he was seething.

I would be, too.

"You can go on in right now. He just got here." I told her. She nodded
and cordially knocked on the office door before entering with Agent
Mulder a step behind her.

Unlike many of the other secretaries at the Bureau, *I* am not an
eavesdropper. I do not listen to A.D. Skinners meetings with the Agents
assigned to him. I like to believe I have more couth than that. I
couldn't even if I wanted to. This building was built back when good
craftsmansip still existed--you can't hear anything through these
walls. Even so, I made an extra effort not to hear anything I might
hear should anyone raise their voice (it has happened before).

Fifteen minutes later the office door opened and the two agents stepped
out, still angry, but under more control, at least in Agent Mulder's
case.

"Whoever's responsible for this will not go unpunished, I can assure
you of that," I heard Skinner tell them as I concentrated on my
computer monitor, not wanting to let them know I could hear their
conversation. 

"What can you do, Sir?" I heard Mulder ask, "make them write on the
chalkboard a hundred times 'I will not draw pictures of the other
agents having sex'?"

"This is not junior high, Agent Mulder." I heard him answer, "such
childish pranks are not tolerated in this establishment by me, or
anyone above me. You can count on that."

From his tone, I knew he meant what he said, and so did Mulder and
Scully as they both remained silent as he continued.

"Now. Why don't you two take the day off until all this blows over?
I'll find whoever did this."

"I don't see how you can." Scully spoke for the first time since the
door had opened.

Neither could I. The cartoon wasn't signed. For all he knew, it could
have been anyone.

"I will. You needn't concern yourself about that."

With that, both agents turned and left the office. To face the silent
jeers and leers of all the sickos on the fifth floor and four floors
down.

I heard the A.D. heave a heavy sigh as he turned and went back into the
office. He didn't know how he was going to find out who drew the
cartoon either.

There were 10,000 special agents alone in the J. Edgar Hoover Building,
not including the 300 bitches and gossips we called 'secretaries'. I
took the drawing from my desk drawer and looked at it. And all those
who knew would keep mum about the artist and his distributors.

All of them.

Except for one person.

The drawing in hand, I got up from the desk and knocked on the A.D.'s
door.

"Sir? Could I speak with you for a moment?"

*******************************************************
A half hour later


"Here's a copy of the paperwork citing Agents Collins, Thacker, and
Myers as the ones responsible and the method of disciplinary action
they will be dealt," he took three steps from the copy machine toward
me and handed me the sheaf of papers, "will you see that Agents Mulder
and Scully get it before they leave?"

I nodded.

"What about Collins and them? Should I call--?"

"Leave that to me." he held up a hand before reaching for the phone to
call down to the second and third floor.

I smiled slightly before turning on my heal and heading for the
elevator.

I'd never been down to the basement before, and had never really
thought about it. But once I got there, I could see why it would almost
be an insult to be stuck down there. It had a concrete floor and
plastered walls--it was a *basement*.

But Mulder and Scully were at least rewarded with the cleanest area of
it, with tile flooring and clean walls.

The door, with just Mulder's nameplate across it (it's gotten to be
that when you say the name Agent Mulder, you're including Agent Scully
too. They're a set--like store bought iced tea) was partially opened
when I went to knock.

My hand froze against the door as I heard a part of what was going on
inside.

I could hear someone crying softly.

Muffled, as if they were crying into there sleeve.

"It's okay, Scully," I heard a man's voice whisper.

I carefully peered around the door, only to view something I never
imagined I would ever see.

Agent Mulder's arms were wrapped around Agent Scully in a gentle
embrace, his chin against her shoulder as she cried against his
shoulder as quietly as she could.

Agent Scully. 

Crying.

There were a number of people who didn't think she could do that, or
even knew what it was.

But here she was.

I was prepared to view a lot of different reactions from the two of
them. From the minute I found the drawing on my desk, I braced myself
for their anger, their disgust, their disbelief, their rage, that
someone would do something like this.

But I never prepared myself for shame.

The very scene broke my heart.

"It just makes me so *mad*," she punctuated the word 'mad' as she came
up to rest her face against his shoulder.

"I know," his hand lightly came up to stroke her back, soothingly, "me
too...But you were right, Scully. The worst thing we can do in this
situation is react." 

The pieces left of my heart crumbled to dust as I backed away from
the opening of the door. Not wanting to disturb them, I removed a board
pin from my pocket and tacked the papers to the door, before heading
back toward the elevator, unable to shake the image from my mind.

As I examined the image of the two of them, holding on to each other in
that basement room as if they were all the other had to hold on to,
versus the repulsive image of that abominable cartoon, a light seed was
sowed in my mind and began to take shape in the form of an idea.

'The worst thing we can do in a situation like this is react.' Agent
Mulder's words came back to me as a small smile formed on my lips.

If they would not react, someone else would do it for them.

*******************************************************

The next day, a photograph of Agents Collins, Thacker, and Myers drunk
at an office party taken about three months before suddenly appeared on
everybody's desk *and* on every computer screen in the J. Edgar Hoover
Building.

I won't go into detail about the photograph, but let's just say it
displayed the three friends in a compromising position. This position
may have included Thacker chugging Jack Daniel's, dribbling down his
chin, and it may have also included Myers kneeling in front of him
licking the stray drops of Jack Daniel's from Thacker's chest.

But, like I said, I won't go into detail.

Needless to say, the picture caused an uproar. So much so, the cartoon
that had appeared the previous day was almost forgotten as everybody
chatted and gossiped about who had planted the photograph and who must
have spent nearly $50 at Kinko's to get the photo color-copied.

Actually, it didn't cost me anything. My ex-boyfriend works at Kinko's.

Unlike the matter with the cartoon, A.D. Skinner has called no
investigation into who too the picture, gained access to it, or sent it
out.

"What goes around comes around," he told me when I inquired as to why,
he then cocked his head to the side as he looked at me, "don't you
think so, Kimberly?"

I froze for a second before turning and walking back to my desk.

Yes I do.

*******************************************************

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Despise it? Printed it out and framed it on
you wall? Printed it out and burned it with cigarettes?

Either way let me know:):):)

I had fun writing this one. The idea for this one came to me in a bout
of insomnia the other night as I sat up in my room at 3 AM watching
"The X-Files Movie". I'm incredibly pleased with the result and hope
you are too.

I love you guys:):):)